monicawoe (monicawoe) wrote,

Noch Ein Bier, Bitte

Title: Noch Ein Bier, Bitte
Author: monicawoe
Country: Germany
Type: Gen
Characters/Pairing: Sam, Dean, OCs
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: ~2500
Warnings: crack based on an awesome piece of folklore
Summary: In the Bavarian alps, an old friend of Bobby's needs help hunting down a heinous beast. (set during season 3)

"Noch ein Bier, bitte." Dean said, grinning at their waitress as she passed by. She smiled at him, nodded, and walked to the back of the Hofbräuhaus

Sam stared at Dean.


"It's just...I've never heard you speak a foreign language so perfectly."

Dean grinned, "I studied the important parts on the flight over."

"You listened to an audiobook called 'German for the Pick-up Artist.'"

Dean took another bite of his dinner -- roast pork and potato dumplings -- chewed thoughtfully, and said, "Yes I did, and it's been very helpful." He leaned back in his seat and smirked as their waitress came back with his Weissbier. "Entschuldigen sie bitte, Fräulein -- "

"Ja?" said their waitress.

"How did you pronounce this incredibly delicious dish again?" Dean said gesturing at his plate with his fork.

"Spanferkel mit Knödel."

"Shpoh fahk ell. " Dean repeated slowly, and then flinched as he felt Sam's foot kick him sharply in the shin.

Sam coughed.

The waitress turned towards Sam, "Would you like anything else to drink, sir? Another Apfelschorle?"

Dean snickered under his breath, and Sam glared at him before smiling back pleasantly at the waitress and answering, "No that's okay, thanks.""

"What's so funny about my drink?" Sam asked, after she left.

"It's apple juice with seltzer water -- why would you ever want to drink that?"

Sam took another sip of his drink and said, "Actually it's pretty good."

"Yeah? How about your salad?"

Sam chuckled, and looked down at his plate, "I thought they meant salad with sausage in it, not like...a bowl of sausage and onions in dressing, but's really good."

"Really?" Dean asked arching his eyebrow, "Can I try some?"

Sam pointed his fork at Dean's plate and said, "If you give me another piece of Knödel, then yes."

Dean grumbled, "The Knödels are really good though..."

Sam rolled his eyes, "Dean -- you've had four of them already."

"Fine!" Dean cut off a sliver of Knödel and dropped it on Sam's plate and then scooped up a heap of the Wurstsalat.

"So...we're meeting Franz tomorrow morning in Berchtesgaden."

"In whose garden?"

"Berchtes --" Sam sighed, "We're going to the Alps."

"Sweet." Dean said, "Maybe we'll meet some snowbunnies on a ski-trip!"

"It's August, Dean."

Dean took a sip of his Weissbier and grinned, "There's lakes in the Alps, right? I hear they swim in the nude here."

"Yeah, you're right Dean, but you know that applies to both genders and all ages, right?"

Dean's grin faded and he poked at the last piece of his Spanferkel. "How are we getting to the Alps?"

"Well -- we've got two options. Train, or Autobahn."


They opted for the Autobahn, much to Dean's delight and Sam's dismay.

Dean whooped more than two dozen times, gleefully keeping their rented VW between 125-135 kilometers an hour.

Sam had the feeling that reminding Dean he was only going about 80 miles an hour wasn't going to cut down on the numbers of whoops one bit.

They got to Berchtesgaden shortly after noon, and parked at the base of the mountain.

"You wanna know the name of this mountain?" Sam asked.

Dean slammed the door of the VW shut, grinned and said, "Twin Peaks?" looking at the the two mountain peaks ahead of them and pointing his thumbs at his nipples.

"Teufelshörner -- Devil's horns." Sam answered, rolling his eyes, "We're going up the shorter one -- that's where Franz's inn is." Sam pulled his backpack out of the trunk of the car, put it on and started walking up the mountain path.


Two hours into their hike, Dean stopped walking and snapped, "Who builds their inn up a damn mountain anyway? Why isn't there a road?"

"Quit bitching. We'll be there soon." Sam said, continuing up the path.

"You said that an hour ago!"

"And I'm still right!"

Dean grumbled, but trudged after Sam, eager to get to the inn so he could finally sit. After what felt like eight more days of hiking, they came to a clearing and Dean saw a huge inn just a few dozen feet away. "Finally!" he said, and walked faster.

The inn smelled of wood and food. As soon as they opened the door, Dean pushed past Sam and sat down at the first open table he could find. Sam talked to the hostess, and asked her to let Franz know they'd arrived.

Dean searched through the menu, scratching his head.

Sam glanced at him, "What? I thought you were bilingual now."

"I learned all the important phrases. This whole menu's in German though -- and I'm really hungry."

"I'm sure they have a menu in English, we just have to --"

"Ja da legst di nieda!" came a booming voice from behind them.

Sam turned around and heard Dean make an odd snorfling sound as he stifled a laugh.

There was a very large man headed towards them wearing actual Lederhosen.

Sam turned back to Dean and smirked, "You know I seem to remember you wearing those -- "

"You shut your mouth." Dean said.

"Sam und Dean, ja?" said the large man. "I am Franz. Bobby has been telling me all about you." He grabbed a chair from a nearby table, spun it around and sat down, leaning his bearded chin against the top of the backrest. "Thank you for coming."

Sam nodded, "Bobby said you needed our kind of help. Want to tell us what's been going on?"

"Ja, but -- " He turned to his left and bellowed, "Frieda! Drei Mass!"

Dean raised an eyebrow as a young woman in a Dirndl (or what Dean liked to think of as 'those Oktoberfest dresses that were made to show off racks') came around the corner less than ten seconds later, carrying three Biersteine with one hand.

She set them down on the table and expertly spun them around so the handles were each pointed at the intended recipients.

"Wow." Dean said, smiling at Frieda, "that's...awesome." He pointed at the menu, and asked, "Do you have one in English?"

"Ah geh!" Franz said, "Tell me what you are wanting."

"I uh..." Dean shrugged, "What's good?"

"Frieda - Kaiserschmarrn, Käsespätzle, Leberkäs und a Wurstteller." Franz said to Frieda.

"Ja Papa." she said smiling.

"Und Brezen!" Franz called after her.

Dean grinned at Franz and said, "Man that Frieda's really.."

"She's your daughter, right?" Sam said quickly.

Franz grinned, "Ja. My only daughter."

Dean cleared his throat. "So, tell us about what's been going on." He took a big sip of his beer.

Franz lowered his voice and said, "Every year we have many tourists. They go to the hiking or the skiing in the winter, but this year....some of them don't come back. They book a room for a week, but we only see them for one night. They leave all their things behind -- " Franz slid his chair closer and whispered, "the other day I found one of the missing, this morning I found another and he was --"

Frieda came back with an enormous plate of various cold-cuts and a basket of huge Bavarian pretzels.

Sam grabbed one of the pretzels and thanked Frieda.

Franz took a sip of his beer and wiped the foam from his mustache. "There is only one thing I know of that can do to a man, what I saw."

"And what's that?" Sam asked.

"After we eat, then I show you." Franz said as he covered his pretzel in mustard.


"Huh." Sam said staring at the mutilated corpse. "That's weird..." he leaned over to get a closer look, "those bite marks are really small, aren't they?"

Dean crouched down next to the body and stared at the ground next to the corpse's head, "Are those...rabbit droppings?"

Franz nodded, "Ja. Nobody believes me, but I know it is true -- the Wolpertinger did this."

"Wolpertinger." Sam repeated, "You mean, like -- the little horned bunnies with fangs?"

"They are not bunnies!" Franz said, exasperated, "They are monsters."

Dean blinked, "Wait. Come again? Bunnies --"

"Not bunnies! Ja verdammt --" Franz yelled, and then stopped himself, took a deep breath and repeated, "They are not bunnies. They are evil little vermin and they eat humans. See for yourself!" He said gesturing at the corpse.

Sam cocked his head as he stood up straight again, "You don't think it's possible a rabbit just passed by here after this man was killed by something else?"

Franz glared at Sam, "It is possible, but why would a rabbit do that? They are not scavengers -- there is nothing here for it to eat!"

"Okay..." Dean closed his eyes and rubbed his thumb against the bridge of his nose, "Say you're right. How do we find the wilbur-thinger?"

"They can only be trapped fourteen days before the next thunderstorm." Franz said, nodding gravely.

Sam opened his mouth to say something, and then thought better of it.

"Let's go build the trap then!" Dean said, throwing Sam a look over Franz's head, that said 'I think he's crazy, but on the other hand that was the best lunch I ever had, and there was beer and it was free. Plus he's Bobby's friend..'


They walked back to Franz's inn in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

Sam was trying to figure out how a rabbit with fangs could bring down a full-grown man.

Dean was trying to remember what that awesome pancake thing with the powdered sugar and apple-sauce had been called.

Franz threw open the door to the inn and Frieda came running towards him, "Papa! Scho' wieda ist jemand verschwunden!"

Franz turned to Sam and whispered, "Another disappearance!"

Dean raised his eyebrows and made a noble effort to look away from Frieda and her Dirndl.


They went into Franz's private rooms in the back and gathered the materials they needed for the trap, stopping in the kitchen on the way back out to pick up salt and pepper.

"Pepper?" Dean asked, "I mean salt, yeah...but pepper?"

"Ja. You need Salt and Pfeffer both. Come -- I show you." Franz said and pushed the back door open with his hip. His arms were full of what looked like scrapwood, chicken wire and a huge length of rope.

Sam carried Franz's toolbox with him and switched on his flashlight when they got outside. "Where are we going exactly?" he asked.

"The couple that disappeared tonight -- they were going to hike up to the peak. There is a small stretch of forest they had to go through to get to the path they wanted. I am thinking that is where the Wolpertinger attacked." Franz said. For all his heft, he was walking up the mountain slope so fast, even Sam had a hard time keeping pace with him.

They found the forest path Franz was talking about easily enough. Franz found a spot by a large tree trunk and said, "If we set this trap up quickly, maybe it will pull the Wolpertinger away from its prey."

"You think so?" Sam said.

Franz nodded "Salt and Pfeffer are irresistible to them." He dropped the pile of materials he'd brought and held his hand out to Sam. "My tools, please." He took out a box of nails, a staple-gun, and his hammer and started unwinding the chicken wire, laying it down on top of the wood.

Sam crouched down next to Franz and handed him his toolbox. "Is it...fourteen days before the next thunderstorm?" he asked.

Dean slapped the back of Sam's head.

Franz didn't notice and continued to construct a cage out of the wood and wire. "Let us hope so."

Sam and Dean watched Franz work, shining their flashlights around every time they heard a rustling sound behind them.

Dean found himself wondering what a rabbit bite would feel like, and decided he'd rather not know. He kept picturing it clamping down on his achilles tendon.

"Finished." Franz said and gestured proudly at the trap. He'd built a cage and -- with Sam's help -- had suspended it in the air, the rope looped around a nearby tree branch. "Now...for the bait." He opened the container of salt and poured it into a small pile directly under the cage, then did the same with the pepper.

After Franz was done, he stepped back towards Sam and Dean. They turned off their flashlights and crouched down between the trees -- about ten feet back from where they'd built the trap. Franz held the end of the rope, ready to drop the trap onto the Wolpertinger if it managed to get to the bait without knocking over the stick they'd use to prop up the cage with.

The jet-lag was starting to catch up with Sam and he had to fight to keep from nodding off after the first twenty minutes passed. Suddenly they heard a rustling. It got closer and closer. Sam shook his head to chase away the drowsiness and was pretty sure he'd nodded off after all.

In the filtered moonlight of the forest he could see something right near the trap. It hopped closer and closer and turned towards them suddenly. It's red eyes glowed in the dark, and it had antlers nearly twice as large as its small rabbit shaped body.

"What the hell..." Dean mouthed quietly.

Franz jerked hard on the rope and let go. The trap came crashing down right around the Wolpertinger.

Sam and Dean turned on their flashlights and ran forward staring down at the trap.

The Wolpertinger was leaping around furiously, its antlers making the trap lift up a few inches off the ground. It looked at them and hissed.

Dean made a face and took a step back, "Since when do rabbits hiss?"

Sam crouched down and stared at the trapped animal. "You know...we've seen a lot -- and I mean a lot -- of weird shit in our lives, but this --" he shook his head, "this is pretty high up on the list for me."

Franz laughed loudly and clapped his hands together. "We have done it. Thank you boys, I can take it from here."

"What are you gonna do?" Sam asked.


They sat in Franz's inn, drinking beer and admiring the Bavarian's handiwork.

"It's just so...lifelike..." Sam said.

Dean stared at it and added, "I feel like it's looking at me."

"Do you think anybody's gonna believe you?" Sam asked Franz.

Franz patted the stuffed Wolpertinger on its antlered head and said, "No, but that doesn't matter. My guests are safe. I hope."

"You hope?" Dean asked.

"Well, we caught this one." Franz said, "but the Wolpertingers usually travel in packs."

Sam let out a disbelieving huff and leaned back into his seat.

Dean sighed, waved to Frieda, and said, "Noch ein Bier, bitte."

Tags: dean, fic, sam

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