monicawoe (monicawoe) wrote,
monicawoe
monicawoe

Birthday ficlet for quickreaver

In honor of quickreaver  and her fantabulous work of art featuring Sam which I cannot stop staring at:


quickreaver.livejournal.com/11568.html

(ficlet kicked into life by spnquotefic as usual)



The memories aren't the worst part.

They hurt they burn they bite they blister and boil every minute of every day.

Sometimes he can focus. Sometimes he can think about something so hard, so completely, that the Cage falls away for a few precious minutes.

The memories aren't the worst part.

He remembers everything he's done-- everyone he killed with no hesitation, with no remorse.

Sometimes he tries to forgive himself, but he can't. Sometimes he lets the Cage take him again so he can feel the fire and the teeth and the ice run through him. It hurts, but the pain is better than the guilt.

The memories aren't the worst part.

He remembers a lot of things. He remembers too much for one mind to hold.

Sometimes he can't see anything but his memories. Sometimes he can't see where he is and he can't focus anymore, and then he doesn't know where he is because surely he can't be here. He can't be free. He shouldn't be free, because if he's free, then He's free and that can't happen.

The memories aren't the worst part.
Tags: art, fic, quickreaver, sam, supernatural
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