Warnings: speculation based around a vague spoiler for the end of season 6
Written for spnquotefic
originally posted here
It takes a very long time for Sam to calm down. There had been a few days where he seemed better, but when anyone got close to the panic room door, Sam would start screaming - pounding his fists and who knows what else against the iron wall until they left.
For three days now, Dean has spent the bulk of his waking hours sitting next to the panic room door, leaning against it, and Sam has stayed calm.
Dean still talks to Sam. Sam answers sometimes - maybe. Dean doesn't know for sure because he can't understand anything Sam says anymore. When Sam does speak or scream, it's in Enochian.
Dean opens the small panel on the panic room door and looks through it. He can see Sam standing, his back facing the door. "Sam?" Dean says. "I'm gonna come in, okay?"
Sam doesn't answer, but his right shoulder twitches ever so slightly.
Dean opens the door - slowly, carefully, and walks into the room.
Sam doesn't seem to notice.
Dean looks around the room, and sees that Sam has been busy writing. The panic room wall is covered in Enochian. "You did some redecorating, huh?"
Sam doesn't stop writing. The small piece of chalk he holds between his fingers moves up and down as Sam goes over the same letter again and again.
Dean sits down on the mattress. They had to remove the cot itself a few weeks ago when Sam started throwing around everything that wasn't nailed down.
Sam pauses in his writing and moves a step to the right. He starts a new letter, and says, "Ah arseh arreh."
Dean swallows down the angry lump in his throat, "Sam, I don't understand you. I'm sorry. I don't-"
Sam stops writing, and says,"Ah bohgehpa ar ahpakana. Ah arseh arreh." he turns to Dean and drops the last chip of chalk on the floor. It crumbles to dust from the impact.
Dean looks at Sam - at his eerie, unnatural eyes, and feels an overwhelming sense of loss. He knew his Sam was gone - broken forever by the memories of the Cage, but seeing him like this...
"Ah arseh arreh." Sam repeats one more time, and then he sits down across from Dean, cross-legged.
Dean doesn't even flinch when Balthazar stands next to them suddenly and says, "It means 'I was the sun.' "