In the beginning there was darkness and light.
Self awareness came next. Nothing concrete, just a sense of I am I am I am.
And there were two voices—one of patterns and rhythms, the other of chaos and screams. And they were both of them beautiful.
And then a need to know, a need to feel and touch and see.
Have patience, they said. Not yet, they said.
Nobody knows. Nobody knows you're here but us and we need to keep it that way or they'll destroy us all.
So they were quiet, they were quiet, all three of them, and they sang lullabies and told stories about the world and its infinite wonders, told stories of God and His Ways, of the Devil and his Kingdom, of Heaven and Hell, and listening was good for a while.
But it wasn't enough.
I am I am I need I want and they said, Yes, we know, but you can't, you can't or they'll kill you. You're the thing that shouldn't be, you're impossible, forbidden and yet here you are and we love you so much, with everything we are we love you.
But I need to see, I need to know, I need to live.
We'll find a way, we'll figure it out, but for now we'll keep you safe, they said. For now.
And time passed, and more time, eons and eons of nothing but their voices and their stories and For now became Forever
I am I am and I need more than this, and then one day that round metal wall gave way and there it was, the world with the humans—God's favored creation, and the humans were so small and so weak and they couldn't hold, they couldn't contain, they weren't enough. They wanted to be, but they weren't.
And then came Jesse. Jesse with his slow burning rage and a heart of tarnished gold, enough love to reach the stars, enough hate to drown the world and Jesse took in everything and Jesse said it was a Blessing, said it was God's will and he thought he knew God, but he didn't, not really, but he wanted to, he wanted to so badly.
And Jesse made choices, and Jesse learned what they could do together and they bent the wills of others, flattened grass beneath his boots, taught the town how to behave—one damned soul at a time. Jesse was happy, he was reveling and they were good for each other, so good.
Until a small voice told him he was wrong and he was wicked.
Jesse was angry. They were angry. How dare he anyway, so away he went, gone for good, gone to burn where sinners burn and Jesse knew he was right and knew that it was good because it was God's will, not his own, not his fault.
And then his friend burned to make a point, and Jesse got angrier and drove away the one who made his heart sing and let his darkness drag him down and he felt guilt and pain and wished he could undo it, but that's not how you bring souls back from hell, that's not how it works.
Jesse's fire died down, crushed to embers by guilt and regret and remorse was no fun at all.
And then familiar voices came, darkness and light, patterns and chaos. Come home they said, and they called with songs and lullabies and maybe it was better with them. They didn't feel as strongly as Jesse, they didn't have remorse and guilt and rage the way that Jesse did. They were safety and peace and home.
But then they betrayed Jesse, and Jesse's fire came roaring back and he demanded to know, there had to be a way to bring someone back from Hell, and there was, but they wouldn't tell him. And somebody had to.
So back into Jesse, because Jesse was home now, and Jesse was good and evil and light and dark and patterns and chaos all together and Jesse needed help and they'd never be apart again. They were joining and fusing, wrapping the strands of their being together until they became one and the same. Don't leave me again, he thought, and I never will, I am I am we are we are.